::PSYCHOLOGIST::

Democratic notions

The tide is beginning to turn in the world social order. Traditional family roles are changing as democratic notions creep into the social system. Earlier, it was assumed to be written in stone that the man was the provider in the family and the woman the homemaker. In India, while a majority of the women may still be fighting against the old order, some have definitely seen the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not just because women are beginning to realize that there is a world outside their kitchen windows. Women are also turning out in large numbers in the work force due to economic necessity. 

But as in the case of every social change, there is a lag between actions and attitudes. While people may be willing to accept the idea of career women, they are not willing to excuse them from their duties as career moms. The attitude towards working women seems to be that while people have no objection to availing of their talents and abilities outside the home, women are not allowed to compromise on home life. And if they do, they should be made to feel the error of their ways. In the first place, the term ‘working mother’ is a misnomer as mothers are working round the clock even if they don’t go to an office. Being a working mother is not the easiest job in the world. Some women are good at it, some don’t have a choice, some choose a middle path and some don’t even try it. The point is that it is the women who should have the right to exercise the option to work or not to work, assuming that they have one. And if they do elect to pursue a career, it is important that their families be supportive. 
 

Making the decision

Mothers who have a choice whether to work or not to work have to consider many things before they take the decision. First of all, they need to be clear about their priorities. Does the baby and family come first or is a career and financial security of greater importance? They also have to decide whether they would be happy having servants or other family members look after their children. They need to realize that by taking the decision to work, they will probably miss out on all the major milestones of their babies' lives. Mothers need to remember that a job can be very demanding not only in terms of time, but also energy. Women spread themselves really thin trying to juggle work life and home life. They will have to consider the stress factor of the job because it is not easy to cope with the pressures of a high-stress job and the demands of a baby. Women should also discuss their decision to work or not with their spouses because they will need their support. It may help to find a job that has flexi-hours. It will make it easier for mothers to be able to stay home on days when there is no other caretaker for the baby or to leave early if there is an emergency. 

Sushmita gave up a lucrative career as a management consultant with a multinational and started her own web design firm so that she could work from home. She says, “After Tara was born, I decided that I couldn’t go back to working at a job with such long and erratic hours. I didn’t want to miss out on any special moments in my daughter’s life.  But at the same time, I didn’t want to be a full-time mother because I really enjoyed working. Working from home was the only option.”

Some women have no choice. Veena Marathe had to start working because she and her husband realized that his salary would not be enough to live on once the baby arrived. Veena started working as a receptionist when her baby was one year old. She says. “I felt terrible leaving my baby at such a young age, but I had no choice. It’s not easy being a working mother. I come home tired from work and I have to look after the baby and cook and clean. I get so irritated with my husband and I have even begun to resent the baby’s demands and I know it’s because I’m so tired. To make things worse, I don’t like my job. I’m just doing it for the money. ” 

Suhasini Mehta dreams of becoming a partner in the law firm she works for. She says, “My job is high-stress and I have to work long hours, but I am determined to make it to the top. I live with my in-laws and both they and my husband are very supportive. I know that my in-laws will take good care of my daughter so I can work with a clear conscience.”
 

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TIPS for parents

::.Dealing With Your Children.

::.7 Ways To Be A Mean Mother.

::.6 Things To Do When Your Child Is Home Sick.

::.Housewife life.

::.Parents as first Teachers.

::.Building Children's Character.

psychologist

The Working Mother. 10 Reason Not To Hit  Your Child.

Important messages to send through daily contact with your child:

Share experiences and goals on effort, working hard, planning ahead. Establish realistic, consistent family rules for work around the house to promote healthy routines and a sense of responsibility. Encourage children to think about the future, including dreaming, exploring options ( via real and virtual field trips), sacrifice.

::PSYCHOLOGIST::