DISCIPLINE TIPS

Discipline is different from punishment.

Children are disciplined when they are shown positive alternatives rather than just told "no," when they see how their actions affect others, when good behavior is rewarded, and when adults establish fair, simple rules and enforce them consistently.

Children who are disciplined learn to share and cooperate, are better able to handle their own anger, are more self-disciplined, and feel successful and in control of themselves.

Children are punished when: behavior is controlled through fear, their feelings are not respected, they behave to avoid a penalty or get a bribe, or they are only told what not to do.

Children who are punished feel humiliated, hide their mistakes, tend to be angry and aggressive, and fail to develop self-control.

The louder you yell, the less effective you will be.

Ineffective responses: questions, begging, threatening, verbal put-downs, unrealistic threats, overly severe punishments, or physical responses that release your anger.

Say it once, then take nonviolent, logical action.

The goal of discipline is to help children build self-control, not blindly obey adult commands.

Any discipline technique is most successful if it is used calmly, without anger.

Any consequence (such as distraction or time out) must immediately follow the child's behavior to make it clear when behavior was not acceptable.

Notice good behavior. Praising good behavior is one of the most effective discipline methods. Children need to know what they are doing well, in addition to knowing the things they need to change. Catch children when they are sharing, helping other children with hard tasks, and dealing well with frustration--and immediately compliment them.

Match your technique to the child and the situation. No single technique’s always best.

Help kids understand why misbehavior is not acceptable, while acknowledging feelings.

Be consistent. It's scary for children to displease adults they care about. They need to feel loved and respected if they are to become kind, confident, and considerate adults.

Call "time out". Sometimes children just lose control. They need to cool off. Time out should last as long as the child feels is needed to calm down. The key is to avoid being punitive and instead to turn time out into a learning experience.

Help children see consequences. Use natural consequences to help teach. Give them choices. For example: Your screaming hurts my ears! If you can’t stop, you’ll have to take a time out. When you can speak in a quieter voice you can come back to the table.